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Michael Philp

Understanding and Overcoming the Fear of Failure: A Guide to Managing Discomfort and Thriving



inspirational quote to overcome fear

Fear of Failure is one of those concepts that often gets misused and can lead to unhelpful "pop-psychology" phrases like "feel the fear and do it anyway". In this blog, I want to unpack what Fear of Failure actually means, what it looks like and it's origins, and a road-map to moving beyond this fear.


What Fear of Failure Looks Like

Fear of Failure can hold us back in many ways. It can prevent us from sharing our thoughts, taking risks, or even raising our hand to answer a question. It can involve procrastination or avoidance. Or the opposite, it can lead to being overly cautious and meticulous to avoid being exposed. Real-life examples might look like a band avoiding making bookings for gigs, not applying for a job because you don't meet 100% of criteria, or not releasing a document at work until all the information has tripled checked and the document becomes cumbersome with details.


Often, this fear is not just about the possibility of failing but is tied to deeper core beliefs about ourselves.


The Roots of Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is frequently linked to core beliefs that have been ingrained in us since early childhood. These beliefs are reinforced by our experiences and are often about more than just failing at a task. They touch on deep-seated beliefs about who we are as a person, and how we fit in with the world. Our core-beliefs are the lens we interpret the world through. Core beliefs may be reinforced from experiences like answering a question in maths class and being laughed at by the class. This can lead to behaviours that avoid the core belief from being activated. For example, if you have a core belief that you are not good enough, failing at something can feel like proof of that belief.


The Impact of Core Beliefs

When our core beliefs are activated, we are usually responding from a vulnerable part of ourselves—the part that feels scared and insecure. This can create an internal conflict. On one hand, our adult brain might tell us that it is silly to feel this way. We may know that the chances of failing are slim or that it doesn't matter in the long run. On the other hand, our body reacts strongly to the thoughts connected to these core beliefs. What we know and what we feel are often the opposite.

This conflict can lead to various coping mechanisms.


Coping Mechanisms

We tend to cope with our core beliefs through three ways - avoidance, overcompensation, or surrendering to the belief.

  • Avoidance can look like not going for a promotion, procrastinating, not asking questions, not trying new things, or keeping yourself perpetually busy with "fluff" to avoid taking on more responsibility.

  • Overcompensation might involve being overly meticulous to avoid mistakes, getting bogged down in details, or working relentlessly to the point of burnout to avoid being exposed as a failure.

  • Surrendering means giving in to the belief and is usually associated with feelings of depression.


Overcoming Fear of Failure

Overcoming fear of failure is challenging but possible.


Strategies for overcoming this fear include:

  1. Understanding what is being activated for you: Recognize the core belief that is being triggered. Understanding the root cause can help you address the fear more effectively. Take time to ask yourself questions - what is it that I'm feeling uncomfortable about? If I wasn't successful, what would that say about me? What is my definition of success? Is that a reasonable definition or do I hold myself to a higher standard than other people?

  2. Managing discomfort: Learn to manage the discomfort that comes from putting yourself in a position to fail. Once you have a clearer understanding of what is underlying this discomfort, we can try to manage this feeling by soothing this part of ourselves. For instance, if you feel anxious about trying something new, acknowledge that this anxiety is your brain’s way of protecting you. Your brain is doing the job it is designed to do - to protect you by thinking about all the possible dangers. Instead of avoiding the situation, you can understand and thank your brain for trying to help. You can place a hand on the part of you that feels tense or uncomfortable and reassure your vulnerable self that you will get through this. Remind yourself that it is okay to feel this way.


Moving Forward

By understanding your core beliefs and learning to manage the discomfort of potential failure, you can begin to take steps towards growth. Remember, it's not about eliminating fear but rather learning to move forward despite it. Re-evaluating was success means can help move towards the goals you have in your life and opportunity to thrive. Each attempt, regardless of the outcome, is a learning experience that brings you closer to your goals.



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