Understanding Anxiety
Anxiety can be incredibly uncomfortable, and naturally, we want to try and get rid of it as quickly as we can. Unfortunately, anxiety is one of these weird things that the more we try to get rid of it, the more problems it causes. Let me explain what I mean by this.
Firstly, let’s understand what is happening to our body when anxiety appears. Simply put, our brain is doing what it is designed to do: try and protect us. It notices potential dangerous situations and sends signals to our body to prepare for that danger. This process happens incredibly quickly and may even occur before there is any conscious thought. A good example of this in action is getting startled when someone comes into your periphery vision – you’ve reacted before you’ve had a chance to process consciously what has occurred. We call this the “low road” – information goes down through the nerve pathways to the body. The “high road” is the information going to the prefrontal cortex of your brain, where you make a decision based on the information. In the startle example, you may get more information that the person who startled you is your flat-mate coming down the hallway and poses no danger. Most people laugh this response off because they understand they reacted in a way that was not related to the situation.
The Dreaded Party Example
Let’s pose a different scenario. Suppose you have decided to go to a party, but you only know one or two other people at the event. When you agreed to go, it sounded fun, and you wanted to attend to support your friend’s event. However, now the day of the party has arrived, and your brain is now starting to predict potential dangers. In this case, social dangers. What if I don’t know anyone? What if I have no one to talk to? What if everyone finds me boring? Etc etc.
This type of ‘danger’ is related to comparing ourselves to others in order to fit in as part of the group, a really useful survival mechanism from our early human days, but less relevant in modern society, and in particular, less helpful when we can compare ourselves to millions of other people through social media.
Anyway, your brain is doing what it is supposed to do, trying to protect you. You’ve started to notice anxiety symptoms – butterflies in your stomach, maybe your heart is racing, or you’ve got the sudden urge to go to the toilet. The more you try to get rid of these symptoms, getting frustrated at yourself for acting this way, or trying to ignore and avoid the symptoms, the more intense they become.
Eventually your brain, being the giant problem-solving machine it is, will come up with the best solution – if you don’t go to the party then you won’t feel so bad. And so you make up an excuse that you can’t attend, and maybe you feel a little bad, but the relief is there. Unfortunately, now you are creating a situation where avoidance of anxiety becomes the solution.
The Struggle with Anxiety
That is just a brief example, but the premise remains the same. The more you fight with anxiety in order to get rid of it, the more it comes back. The more you try to avoid thinking of the party, the more your brain will put that thought in your head. Ultimately, you end up in this never-ending struggle with anxiety.
Letting Go of the Struggle
The solution here is to let go of the struggle with anxiety. Now, that sounds very simple, and it is not a “feel the fear and do it anyway” kind of approach. What we are saying, however, is that if we can understand that anxiety is normal, that it is our brain and body’s way of trying to protect us from danger, then we can move away from the belief that anxiety is abnormal and something to be gotten rid of (the struggle) to acceptance that this is hard, and my brain is trying to help me, but I can do it (acceptance).
The Choice Point
This leads us to a concept in Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) called ‘The Choice Point’. The Choice Point is really just two arrows pointing in two directions, like a fork in the road. One points towards the life we want to live and one points away from the life we want to live. The Away path is usually about avoiding anxiety. That might be avoiding the party, or avoiding going out in a big crowd, or avoiding applying for a promotion. The Towards path takes us towards the life we want to live – socializing more, or taking on more responsibilities at work – but it usually involves making room for the anxiety that comes with this pathway.
Techniques to manage anxiety become useful here. Instead of thinking, “I’ll go to the party if my anxiety goes away,” you might think,
“This party is important to me. It’s hard to go places where I don’t know many people, but lots of people experience this. I can use strategies to reduce my anxiety, but it’s okay if I feel nervous when I arrive. My brain is trying to protect me.”
Noticing, Naming, and Normalizing
This approach incorporates the 3 N’s—Noticing, Naming, and Normalizing. By acknowledging and accepting anxiety, we can shift from the mindset of “I must get rid of this” to “I can handle this, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
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